By Nick Creely
The message was simple, but the solution is far more difficult – family violence can be stopped in the local community, but there’s a long way to go.
The Pakenham Football Netball Club hosted the ‘Together We Can’ round on Saturday upstairs in its Toomuc Reserve pavilion, to speak about family violence and what the community can do to ensure this issue is eradicated from the Cardinia Shire.
‘Together We Can’ is a community led initiative, supported by the Cardinia Shire Council as the Backbone Organisation, to act and end family and domestic violence in the shire, and to help build healthy and respectful relationships, whether it’s in the workplace, in a sporting club, or in the home.
Speaking at the packed out Toomuc Reserve pavilion prior to the senior football and netball as the Lions hosted Officer, Cardinia Shire mayor Graeme Moore spoke about the importance of men and women in the community, the cultural change, and the traumatic impact that violence has on children.
“Unfortunately, family violence is a reality in our community,” he said.
“When I first got onto the White Ribbon, I started looking at my own family, my own children, my own daughters and their relationships, and what’s happening behind the scenes, so I suggest you all do the same. You just don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes in this particular space.
“There’s no simple solution, it’s a complex issue, and there’s no quick fix – we know that the traditional roles of men and women have changed over the years, women are financial contributors.
“Men are valued as fathers who are equally as capable of nurturing their children, reading stories and cooking, putting loads of washing in the machine, and even hanging them out even though they might do it wrong in someone’s eyes.
“Women are mechanics, engineers, surgeons, truck drivers, and men are nurses, social workers, cleaners and childcare workers.
“Women are playing football, men are playing netball, and my own daughters played for the AFL team in Bunyip, which was fantastic to see. To see my two daughters playing together in the women’s league was fantastic.
“But domestic and family violence continues to be an issue in the shire of Cardinia, and it’s got to stop. Too often, children are exposed to violence and abuse, and sadly they see it, hear it, and feel it, and the impact is traumatic.
“What we do know, is that when children are exposed to violence, even before they’re born, they suffer more than an adult does. Think about that.”
Mr Moore said that the ‘Together We Can’ initiative can genuinely end the violence, and urged others to be open to speaking up, and setting the right example.
“‘Together We Can’, and I proudly say that, can help – this community led initiative aims to stop, prevent, and end family violence in our shire,” he said.
“It’s not about shaming people, and ‘Together We Can’ is about hope, and we all need hope – we all know people can change, so let’s change it. People can be healed, so let’s heal them.
“So since ‘Together We Can’ started, more and more people are getting help to stop using violence or being healed from violence. Good men and women are stepping up and calling out bad behaviour, and it’s paying off. I see it, I witness it all the time, and courage is the big thing.
“We still have a long way to go to end family violence, but together we know we can do it – it’s refreshing to see this great club is a part of that solution, and it starts from the top, with the president.
“And as a community-led initiative, it’s yours, and ours, together. Council is here for support and we’ll work with you and be part of the solution to build a respectful society so everyone can feel safe.”
Fiona Cost, the ‘Together We Can’ facilitator at the Cardinia Shire Council, said that this initiative is here to stay, and that they won’t stop engaging with the community to ensure that adults and children are safe from the trauma of violence.
“Every person, adult or child has a right to feel safe from fear, no matter where they are, who they are with, or what they are doing,” she said.
“What I love about ‘Together We Can’ is that it’s not one of those short-lived programs that start to do well and then drift off to the ether because either funding runs out or we move on.
“It’s about momentum, and it’s here to stay and grow – Cardinia Shire Council knows it can’t stop family violence on its own just as the police can’t.
“They, like this club, know they are just part of the solution, and in playing their part, they are committed to ‘Together We Can’ for the long term.”
Cost explained that ‘Together We Can’ is not about ego or logos, but about what each and every individual can do to help build, and sustain, a community where violence isn’t a norm.
“‘Together We Can’ is about what individuals, businesses, clubs, services, churches, schools, governments and politicians can do to stop, prevent and end family violence. It’s like the movie ‘Pay It Forward’, and it is, and so much more,” she said.
“For over three years, so many of us have dropped formal logos and egos and reminded others that if you live and work in this shire, you have equal responsibility and are accountable to improve our culture, our social norms and to insist on more respectful and equal relationships.
“This is why the initiative is called what it is – it’s not about accepting anymore that children are growing up exposed to violence and abusive adults, and or teenagers. We know it can stop.
“We know we can prevent it, and it’s about knowing that we don’t want to be the next suburb that’s plastered on the news saying another woman has been murdered by a man that thought once loved her.”
Cost said that there are several forms of violence, and that the initiative can support anyone who is experiencing abuse or the abuser themselves to seek help.
“We want people to understand that violence is about more than just physical, it’s sexual, emotional, technological, social, verbal, spiritual and psychological,” she said.
“We want to create a culture where people know that help is available – we want people to understand the traumatic impact family violence does have on children, and the younger they are, the worse the damage is, regardless of whether the child is present or not.
“We want good men to support other men who may be using violence, who may be abusive, or regularly make sexist remarks that put down women to stop, and get some help.
“We want people to know that family violence does happen to men too – women who use violence need to be accountable too, but the numbers and severity do not compare to the severity that a woman experiences. Most men that experience violence, experience it from another man.
“‘Together We Can’ celebrates the strengths that we have in the community that drowns out the noise of unwanted behaviours and attitudes, and in doing so, people see a better normal, one that sees men and women as equals.”
Cost said that there are so many opportunities for people within the community to get involved in the initiative and help join the fight.
“One thing that everyone can do is have a conversation with somebody about healthy and respectful relationships,” she said.
“As a club, you can look at your behaviour policies. In your workplaces, is everything in order there?
“You can check in with friends and family is so important, and when we do, it’s so important not to judge, just listen, and offer support.
“There’s no excuse for violence, so instead of putting the onus on the person experiencing the violence, put it on the person who’s using the violence, and hold them accountable.
“Also available is training on how to identify family violence; these training options are great for captains, coaches, club officials and anyone who has an influence over another person.”
‘Together We Can’ will be hosting a bunch of community events in the coming months, with the community leadership summit to be held on Thursday 10 October, with Phil Barker – the founder of ‘The Revolution of Man’ – to be the keynote speaker, while on Friday 22 November at 12pm, there will be the march against violence, with the theme being, ‘safe kids, safe communities’.
For more information on ‘Together We Can’, or to become involved with the initiative can visit togetherwecan.org.au
