By Aneeka Simonis
TRAPPED and terrified.
Kristy McKellar recalled the day her ex-husband was freed from court, released after being granted the right to appeal a jail sentence he was given for an horrific, hour-long assault on the new mum.
As it turns out, he never served a single day in jail.
Kristy, now 36, said it was her instead who served the harsher sentence after escaping her almost four-year, brutal relationship.
But she now refuses to be shackled by the abuse of her past.
Hers is a story of awe-inspiring and selfless determination to improve judicial and social welfare outcomes for victims of family violence.
Kristy hopes that by sharing her story she will help raise awareness of the many forms of abuse and complexities of family violence, empowering victims to gain the confidence to speak up and access help.
And that initiative is focused locally, with Kristy being the ambassador for the movement, nominated to head the soon-to-be formed Cardinia Shire and Family Life’s Together We Can Survivors Community Advisory Group.
Twenty-one images of the brutalised mum were submitted as evidence in the court, her doctor taking the stand describing the bruising around her neck from having been choked to the point of near unconsciousness. Her abuser faced four criminal charges and several breaches of an intervention order.
On the night of the attack – 14 October 2012, when their child was just four months old in the next room – Kristy was assaulted so extensively that the trauma to her body meant her breast milk deteriorated and she was no longer able to feed her daughter.
It was the climax to her almost four years of horror with the man who often smiled while attacking her – seeing her terrified made him feel powerful.
To many, he came across as charming. But behind closed doors it was a completely different story.
He was very careful only to assault her in areas where she could cover her injuries, wearing clothing to hide them, until the final assault when she was left with a grazed, bruised eye.
He even controlled what shoes she wore.
“He was a shorter man. I was only allowed to wear high heels to work, not around him or I’d be taller than him.
“On one occasion, I met him at a shopping centre after work with high heels on. He appeared agitated but I didn’t know why,” she said.
“I looked for the shoes the next day but couldn’t find them. I found them in his shed. He cut the heel off one shoe with a grinder so I couldn’t wear them again.
“It was a shocking, calculating form of abuse.”
Her initial feeling of gaining justice when he was convicted was quickly overshadowed by sheer and utter terror when he then walked free.
For eight terrifying months, Kristy was left unprotected and did not know how to keep herself and her daughter safe.
She said he had them both trapped.
He refused to accept offers made on their property when selling, so she had to remain there, again attempting to control her, all while she was on unpaid maternity leave.
He then transferred his entire salary from their joint banking account into a new account so she had no financial support at all for herself or their new baby.
“One occasion he breached the intervention order by attending the property, leading to me being granted a five-year intervention order,“ she said.
Kristy does not fit the mould people would typically think of as victims of family violence.
She didn’t come from a low socio-economic background, is well educated and came from a loving family.
She’d never known violence before.
Kristy also worked with violent offenders as a corrections officer, and with children who had experienced family violence but this did not mean she was immune to her encounter.
She thought she knew the system, but it was only once she lived through the traumatic two and a half years of various court ordeals that she really learnt just how inadequate the judicial system was, coupled with the lack of support for victims.
“I was horrified at the gaps and failings of the entire system – I had to fight so hard to be heard, my daughter was an invisible victim, I had to be a strong advocate for the both of us,“ she said.
“I had a professional background within the sector, but it wasn’t until I had a personal experience that I realised how inconsistent it was.
“There were no safety mechanisms in place the day I walked out of court with the perpetrator released alongside me.
“I had to move house, get a new car and install CCTV cameras to remain undisclosed and safe.
“The system let us down … it prioritised the rights of the perpetrator over that of the victims.”
For Kristy and her daughter, the damage has already been done.
Her daughter was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) at 13 months old, displaying over startling responses, fear of men and new environments.
But Kristy has made it her mission to be the voice for the many voiceless, especially children.
Three days after the appeal, she wrote to then Attorney-General Robert Clark detailing how betrayed she felt, after having bared her soul to the law, the lack of validation and inadequate sentencing outcome.
Her powerful story was recognised in the Royal Commission into Family Violence and Kristy has since become nationally renowned in the family violence arena through her consulting services, including partnering with Victoria Police to roll out mandatory training modules for frontline members to superintendent ranks.
Kristy has also been appointed to lead the state’s first council-led Survivors Community Advisory Group.
It’s been launched in Cardinia Shire and intends to represent women survivors of all cultures and abilities.
It will invite survivors to join in shaping family violence responses and the way forward in their own community in a supported way.
“It’s about survivors being provided with an opportunity to use their voices and lived experiences to co-design an improved system, identifying what they feel could be done better and highlighting what is working well,” she said.
Looking at Kristy today, it’s hard to imagine the extreme abuse she endured.
She has rebuilt her life and her eyes smile as she speaks.
Her passion to help women and children is undeniable.
Kristy’s attacker was charged with recklessly causing serious injury, recklessly causing injury, unlawful assault, indecent assault, six intervention order breaches and use of a telecommunications device to harass.
His jail sentence was severely reduced to simply a two-year community corrections order with 250 hours of unpaid community work in the higher County Court appeal.
Kristy has been named in the Australian Financial Review’s top 100 most influential women and further is the co-chair of the Victorian Royal Commission’s Victims Survivors’ Advisory Council and a founding member of the Victorian Royal Commission’s Social Services Taskforce with the Special Minister of State.
If you’re interested in joining Cardinia Shire’s Survivors Community Advisory Group you can confidentially express your interest to p.martin@cardinia.vic.gov.au
If you require any assistance, please call 1800 Respect on 1800 737 732.
